Apologies

Since getting our positive news I realise I owe a few people an apology.

To those of you who are still waiting on your positive news I am sorry. I know it hurts even if just a moment reading others positive news but I hope like I did you take some solace in the fact there are positive endings to this journey even after multiple failures.

To the ladies who blogged of struggling to be excited about their pregnancy I am sorry.  There were moments when I thought, just enjoy it you have what we are all looking for! I now understand your struggle, this journey does not end with a positive pregnancy test, far from it.

It has now been 2.5 weeks since our BFP and I have continued to spot, it does seem to be reducing so fingers crosses that it will completely stop shortly.  My viability scan is next Wednesday so I am on countdown to that but am also terrified of the possibility that it could be the end of our journey.  They say knowledge is power but in some cases it can be the root of fear.  I know so many lovely ladies in the blogging community who  have come this far only to have their hopes dashed and it terrifies me I might be in the same boat. Part of me wishes I was blissfully unaware of the potential outcomes and could relax and enjoy being pregnant but then again the fall could then be all the harder. I do have moments of joy and excitement, moments when I imagine our dreams becoming a reality.

Lastly apologies to you the reader I know this is a bit of a Debbie Downer post but this blog is my release and the way I can get all my emotions down and work through them.

Love and baby dust to all.

19 thoughts on “Apologies

  1. No need to apologize in my eyes. Ive been thinking of you. Im so glad to hear the spotting has stopped. I sometimes wish I didnt know as much as I do too. Wednesday is my birthday so I hope it is a lucky day and brings you so much joy πŸ˜‰

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  2. No need, exactly. This struggle is a shit one. First trimester SUCKS! It’s particularly shit after IF issues and having a hard time getting pregnant to start with, because you constantly fear having to go through it all again. We’re here for you sweetie. Rooting you on. Sending you warm thoughts. You can do this. Viability scan in one week, then second trimester is around the next corner. Wishing you a peaceful day. Xx

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  3. Echo the above comment! I just saw my babies’ heartbeats at 8 weeks and I am still terrified (yep, there’s two of them! and they are so cute on the scan at 8 weeks!). The fear doesn’t end, although I am told it will reduce after 12 weeks or so. What I dont agree with in your post, is that its upsetting to hear of other people having a positive. It always gave me a great deal of hope actually. I love celebrating with infertiles who get a BFP.

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    1. Congrats on twins. Don’t get me wrong I was always happy for celebrate the success of others and as I said always took comfort in their BFPs after all it meant there was light at the end of the tunnel. I would however be lying if I said there wasn’t a little pang in my heart that wished it were my turn.

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  4. First trimester is SO HARD and spotting reeeeeeeally doesn’t help you feel good. I am sure it will be fine but I totally understand why you feel nervous as I am 100% the same. Can’t wait until you get that viability scan (bet you can’t either!). Look after yourself lovely xx

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  5. Hey Debbie! πŸ˜‰

    You know what? I feel this, and I’m not even pregnant yet (that I know of!) Sometimes it feels like all I want in the world is a BFP, but then the realisation of what a bfp will bring dawns on me, and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m actually really worried about any time before feeling kicks and tumbles in a swollen belly …

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  6. as everyone else said – absolutely no need to apologise! I think thats one of the best things about blogging on here – reading other peoples stories, learning and seeing how other people cope with similar issues – knowing that we’re not alone! Keep blogging away πŸ™‚

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  7. You should never feel the need to apologize. You should celebrate that you are moving forward onward in your journey with infertility. I love seeing others on here get their BFP’s because it gives me hope for my future. Wishing you the best on your pregnancy. xo

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  8. First of all, Congratulations! Just as importantly, there is NO reason for you to EVER apologize for being blessed ! I am so happy for you I could pee !

    We are all on a journey and some of us get resolution and some do not. Some of us get a BFP, some of us adopt, some of us decide to live child-free… whatever the case may be, when one of us finds resolution , we rejoice for that one win. It is def proof positive that it can happen!!

    Can not wait to read your updates and continue on this journey with you ! Xoxo

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  9. ditto the above – don’t apologise for your positive result – it’s is great news for you, congratulations! I hope the scan goes well and you can relax and start to enjoy your pregnancy πŸ™‚

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  10. Your story gives all of us hope, never feel sorry. Each pregnancy story gives us all a little glimmer of hope that are going through this struggle.

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  11. It’s tough, huh? I still really struggle with the fact that we are expecting but so many people I care about are still waiting. I hate it so much, and it hurts so badly to know that there is nothing I can do to change it. I also felt the same as you– I wondered what people even had to complain about after getting pregnant following infertility. It wasn’t until I experienced the fear for myself that I understood.

    I really do think that we come through IVF with a sort of PTSD. It is a traumatic experience that changes the way the we see and experience things. It sucks because after everything we go through to get to this point, it would be nice to just soak it all in! I hope things get easier for you soon.

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